Monday, June 9, 2008

What's the deal with men and women?

Funny interview video which asks people on the street their views of the opposite sex.

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Note the books which these two authors wrote, also.

Breaking Hearts

Falling in love is awfully simple.
Falling out of love is simply awful.

- one of Murphy’s Laws

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts.
Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
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- Mary Schmich
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Resist the temptation to trifle with other people’s feelings. It may be fun to “play fish” like a trout on a fly line, but it is cruel, it is dishonest, and it is dangerous.
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- Elisabeth Elliot

Love Deeply

Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. You might be afraid of the pain that deep love can cause. When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love even more fruitful. It is like a plow that breaks the ground to allow the seed to take root and grow into a strong plant.

- Henri J. M. Nouwen

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Would You Wear a Bubble Suit to Avoid Temptation?

Mark Driscoll is a preacher who will try practically anything to make a point. In a message on dating, his gag involves a Bubble Suit that can be worn to maintain a "zone of righteousness." Lots of fun (if you like that sort of thing).


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If you would like to watch the entire message, go here: Driscoll's Dating message
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Mark is pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, which has a very high percentage (50%) of single adults in its congregation.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Love = Vulnerability

Love anything and your heart will be wrung out and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

To love is to be vulnerable.

- C.S. Lewis

Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Test

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't--the girl with the rose. His interest in her began thirteen months before in a Florida library.

Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.

During the next year and one month, the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting--7 pm at the Grand Central Station in New York.

"You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel."

So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit, she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips.

"Going my way, sailor?" she murmured.

Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.

I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.

"I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile.

"I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

- S.I. Kishor

Dick Purnell's Thoughts on Dating

7 Special Thoughts about Dating:
  • Enjoy a variety of people before settling on one. The broader your exposure to different people, the clearer your picture of the kind of person you would like to settle down with
  • Fun is having a good time without negative consequences. The real test of a date is not the response to the activities of one night or one day. It’s the attitude and mental, emotional, and spiritual health that are produced through being together over a period of time
  • Be a builder, not a demolitions expert. As you get to know the person more closely, you will begin to see flaws that you didn’t notice in the beginning. Some of his or her actions may upset or infuriate you. You must decide build each other up and show respect instead of spreading negative things about one another
  • Your public behavior reflects the quality of your private life. People are considered phonies when what they say doesn’t match their personal actions. Notice the consistency between intimate conversations and the public behavior of the one you are dating
  • An honest, spontaneous compliment is a bouquet of thrills. Become a saltshaker of compliments, giving just enough to flavor your relationship. When you think something is nice, say so
  • Friends are windows to a person’s character. If you want to know what is important in the life of the person you are dating, study that person’s close friends. Friends often reflect a person’s values, personality, habits, attitudes, and opinions
  • Keep the child in you alive. If you lose the childlike desire to find something new and exciting in ordinary things, you will become dull and boring. Too many singles become so serious about daily existence and its problems that they forget to be thrilled and excited about the ordinary things of life

- Dick Purnell, Finding a Lasting Love
http://www.dickpurnell.com/

Indications That A Dating Relationship Should End

Indications That A Dating Relationship Should End:
  • When you have very different dreams (and goals) for life and marriage – even though relationships can exist with some differences, dreams have to have at least some degree of compatibility
  • When you have significant incompatibilities regarding real issues – important, basic values are just too important to give up
  • When it seems impossible for your wounds to heal – repetitive hurts cause a lack of trust and trust is the foundation of any relationship
  • When there are obvious relational problems – negative patterns must be reckoned with and not simply overlooked. Negative patterns would include physical abuse, extreme insensitivity to your legitimate needs, or repeated disrespect
  • When either of you has significant personal problems – wise love decisions are made on facts, not hopes and sometimes the facts tell you – even when your heart may not – that it is time to break up
  • You recognize that one of you isn’t ready for marriage – issues such as immaturity, still living at home, or a lack of employment are a few cues that one isn’t ready for marriage
  • You recognize that the proposed marriage is not God’s will – according to Scripture, it is clear that if two are “unequally yoked”, they are out of God’s will for marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14)

- Donald Harvey, Lovedecisions

Respect and Romance are Related

Respect and romance are first cousins. A woman who feels that a man respects her automatically feels that a man is being more romantic toward her. Men, if you really want to win the affection of a woman you are dating, show her respect. Express to her how much you like being with her. That's far more important than telling her how much you love her, which may sound insincere to her if you proclaim your love too soon in the relationship.

In an old Jimmy Stewart movie, a young man asks Jimmy's character for the hand of his daughter in marriage. When he says to Jimmy Stewart, "Can I marry your daughter?" Jimmy Stewart replies, "Do you like her?"

The young man responds, "Yes, sir, I love her."

"No," the Stewart character replies, "I didn't want to know that. I asked, 'Do you like her?'"

Like is a critical prerequisite to love. If you don't show respect to a woman, she will never believe that you truly like and admire her. And if she doesn't have a sense that you like her, she will find it difficult to believe that you truly love her.

One of the major statements that Solomon made to the young woman was this: "I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots." (Song of Songs 1:9) That may not sound like the most romantic line you've ever heard, but let me explain what he meant. The pharaohs always had white horses. A white horse was readily visible for miles. Thus, great homage could be prepared for the pharaoh in advance of his arrival on the scene. The white horse of pharaoh was considered to be a virtual deity, and the horses were considered valuable possessions of the pharaoh. White horses were reserved exclusively for the pharaohs.

Solomon was expressing to the young woman that he saw her as extremely valuable, one in a million! She was beyond any monetary value or comparison.

When you truly respect a person you are dating, you should have this same feeling: you consider the person to be of extremely high value. The person you date should build you up.

- Tommy Nelson

Friday, February 1, 2008

Tale of Two Brains - Mark Gungor

I love this guy. Mark Gungor usually speaks to married couples. He has a great DVD series called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, but this clip applies to singles, as well.

Here's a comical discussion on the difference between male and female brains:


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Six Stupid Things Singles Do To Mess Up Their Lives

Nancy Van Pelt, author of the excellent book, Smart Love, has written an excellent article on "Six Stupid Things Singles Do To Mess Up Their Lives."

You can find it here:

Choosing to Grow in Self-Awareness

Spiritual growth and maturity simply will not happen apart from relationships in the local church. In relationships we develop an accurate assessment of ourselves that is neither too favorable nor too critical. In relationships we experience a God-ordained channel of supply spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. - C.J. Mahaney

People who are truly effective have the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings. - Stephen R. Covey

Relational Self-Awareness

There’s none so blind as they that won’t see. - Jonathan Swift

Being hypersensitive to the opinions others have of us, puts us into the false position of making their approval our court of appeals instead of our own conscience and self-respect. - William George Jordan

You may not like what you get, but you will never offend anyone by asking for an opinion, and you will never come away knowing less than you did before you asked. - Harvey Mackay

Do not be angry that you cannot make others as you would wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. - Thomas à Kempis

When you choose to be pleasant and positive in the way you treat others, you have also chosen, in most cases, how you are going to be treated by others. - Zig Ziglar

The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own. - Benjamin Disraeli

What kind of world would this world be,If everyone in it were just like me? - Unknown

People would worry less about what others think of them if they only realized how seldom they do. - Author Unknown

When looking at faults, use a mirror, not a telescope. - Yazid Ibrahim

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you. - William Arthur Ward

No one can take advantage of you without your permission. - Ann Landers

If you behave like a doormat, expect to be stepped on and don’t complain about it. - Suzette Haden Elgin

Be too flexible and others will bend you; not flexible enough and they will break you. - K. R. Hutchings

A high degree of empathy in a relationship is possibly the most potent factor in bringing about change and learning. - Carl Rogers

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend. - source unknown

People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice. - Frank Romer

When you were born, you cried and everybody else was happy. The question that remains is this: When you die, will you be happy when everybody else is crying? - Tony Campolo

"Leave a Message"

I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
- Contributed to "Life in These United States" by Antonio Curtis